The Redeemed Marriage Podcast

Can You Affair-Proof Your Marriage?
Is it actually possible to affair-proof your marriage?
We know better than most that no marriage is completely immune to temptation or failure. After all, Adam and Eve lived in a perfect world and still found a way to mess things up. But we also believe there are things we can do to protect our marriages and make it much harder for the enemy to gain a foothold.
In this episode, we talk about some of the things we believe matter most, beginning with our individual relationships with the Lord. Heather shares honestly about what happened in her own life before the affair and how it wasn't one huge decision that suddenly took her somewhere she never expected to go. It was a series of small compromises. Little decisions that didn't seem "that bad." Moments when she heard the Holy Spirit prompting her and chose not to listen.
Over time, those small compromises became much bigger ones.
We also talk about why we believe so strongly in boundaries, including some that other people may think are extreme. For us, boundaries aren't about living scared that something might happen. They're about protecting something that is incredibly valuable to us.
And protecting your marriage is about more than avoiding an affair. We talk about communication, serving one another, physical intimacy, and continuing to build the kind of connection that makes your marriage healthy and strong.
We can't promise that following a list of rules will guarantee that your marriage will never experience betrayal. But we do believe there are things you can intentionally do to guard your heart, protect your marriage, and build the kind of relationship you both want.
We learned some of these lessons the hard way. Our hope is that maybe you won't have to.
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This week we're sharing one of the most meaningful nights of our lives.
As we celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary, we got a surprise when we walked into a room filled with the people God has used to help write our story. Some were there on our wedding day. Others came into our lives after Heather's affair fifteen years ago. All of them have played a part in reminding us that redemption was never something we were meant to walk through alone.
During the evening, we shared a comment someone recently left on our YouTube channel: “Not all heroes wear capes.” That simple sentence perfectly captured how we feel about the people in that room. They prayed for us. They challenged us. They encouraged us. They stayed when our marriage was messy. They became the hands and feet of Jesus during one of the hardest seasons of our lives. 
Others in the room only know us as a redeemed couple, but they encourage us and our ministry daily. A few of them were even there because we have journeyed with them through their own marriage redemption story.
In this episode, we reflect on that unforgettable night, the incredible gift of community, and why every couple needs people who are willing to stand with them through both the celebrations and the struggles. Looking around that room, we couldn't help but realize that our anniversary wasn't just a celebration of thirty years of marriage. It was a celebration of God's faithfulness—and of the heroes He placed along the way.
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This week marks our 30th wedding anniversary, and as we look back, we realize something that still amazes us: we've now spent exactly half of our marriage before Heather's confession…and half of it after.
In this episode, we reflect on those two very different seasons of our marriage and why the last 15 years have been so different from the first. We talk about how our relationship changed when we stopped expecting each other to be the source of our happiness and learned to find our identity and security in Christ instead.
We also share what we wish we could go back and tell ourselves during those dark days in the summer of 2011, when we had no idea what was about to happen. If you're walking through a difficult season in your own marriage, our hope is that this conversation reminds you that your story isn't finished. We're incredibly grateful we chose to fight for our marriage, and we're thankful for the life God has built over these last 30 years—one that neither of us could have imagined back then.
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Last week we began a conversation about restoring intimacy after betrayal. This week we're taking it a step further by talking about one of the hardest parts of healing: the mental images, triggers, and memories that can make the marriage bed feel anything but safe.
We know this struggle because we've lived it. In this episode, we share what helped us navigate those difficult moments, why the betrayed spouse has to set the pace, and how the unfaithful spouse can respond with patience, humility, and compassion instead of pressure or frustration.
We also talk about the hope we've found through Christ. The enemy would love nothing more than to convince you that this part of your marriage can never be restored. We don't believe that's true. Healing takes time, and every couple's journey is different, but we believe God can redeem every part of your marriage, including your intimacy.
If you've ever wondered whether the marriage bed can truly be restored after betrayal, we hope this conversation gives you hope and practical encouragement for the road ahead.
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This week we’re answering a question that we’ve never addressed quite like this before, and we know it’s one that many couples quietly wrestle with after infidelity.
What happens when something that was once a normal and enjoyable part of your physical relationship suddenly becomes a reminder of betrayal? Is it possible for the marriage bed to be fully redeemed, or will certain things always feel damaged?
In this episode, we talk honestly about the guilt and shame that can linger long after an affair has ended, especially for the spouse who was unfaithful. We also discuss why healing isn't about pretending the past never happened, but about inviting God into the places where the enemy wants to keep you trapped.
We share some of our own journey of reclaiming intimacy through prayer, worship, and honest conversations, while also talking about the importance of following the pace of the betrayed spouse. Along the way, we discuss how every marriage changes over time, why it's healthy for couples to keep talking about their desires and comfort levels, and how to approach those conversations with grace instead of fear.
If you've ever wondered whether physical intimacy can truly be restored after betrayal, we hope this conversation reminds you that nothing is beyond God's ability to redeem.
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This week, we're answering a question we hear often: "What exactly do you offer, and where should I start?"
Whether your marriage is in the middle of a crisis, you're rebuilding after betrayal, or you simply want to strengthen an already healthy relationship, we've tried to create resources that meet you wherever you are. In this episode, we walk through the Resource Menu currently available on our website and explain what each part is designed to do.
We talk about the free resources that so many couples begin with, including our daily Facebook content, Instagram, YouTube, and our podcast library. Then we share how our marriage coaching, two-day intensives, and marriage retreats provide a deeper level of support for couples who need more personalized help. We also explain how you can search our entire podcast library by topic, making it easy to find conversations on trust, boundaries, communication, forgiveness, and so much more.
Finally, we share a few of our favorite resources that many people don't even know about, including our monthly mentoring community, annual Prayer Challenge, and the free downloads we make available throughout the year.
Our heart has always been simple: to provide hope, practical tools, and biblical encouragement for every season of marriage. We hope this episode helps you discover the next step that's right for you.

This week in our Summer Shorts series, we're answering a listener question that took us back to one of the hardest seasons of our lives: What were some of the small things people did that made the biggest difference while we were walking through our marriage crisis?
When everything around us felt cold and uncertain, God placed "redbirds" in our path—people who simply showed up. They didn't always have the perfect words. They didn't try to fix us. They listened, encouraged us, invited us to dinner, sat with us in church, and reminded us that we weren't alone.
Looking back, those simple acts of kindness became some of the greatest gifts God used in our healing. In this episode, we share several of those stories and talk about why you don't have to have all the answers to make a lasting impact in someone's life. Sometimes the greatest ministry is simply being present.
If you know someone walking through a difficult season, we hope this episode reminds you that a small act of love can become something they'll never forget.
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In this week’s Summer Short, we tackle a question that comes up more often than people realize after infidelity: What do we do with the things that now carry painful memories? Wedding rings, anniversaries, favorite restaurants, vacation spots, and even everyday places can suddenly feel connected to some of the hardest moments in a marriage.
We share our thoughts on whether couples should keep their original wedding rings as a symbol of a covenant that was broken and restored, or whether there are times when a new ring can represent a fresh chapter in the story. We also talk about anniversaries and how those dates can move from reminders of pain to reminders of God’s faithfulness and redemption.
Along the way, we discuss the idea of replacing painful memories with new ones and the importance of communicating openly about triggers, expectations, and what each spouse needs during the healing process. If you’ve ever wondered how to reclaim the places, traditions, and symbols that seem to have been stolen by betrayal, we hope this conversation will encourage you. Our belief is simple: the affair doesn’t get the final word. Through God’s grace, even the things that feel tainted today can become reminders of redemption tomorrow.
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This week, we're continuing our Summer Shorts series by answering one of the questions we hear most often: Should we tell our children about marital struggles, broken trust, or even infidelity?
We share our own experience of walking through those conversations with our boys after Heather's affair and how those discussions changed as they grew older. When they were young, we focused on what they needed to know. As they matured, we were able to share more of our story and help them understand not only what happened, but what God had done in the years that followed.
Every family is different, and there is no one-size-fits-all answer. But we've generally found that leaning toward honesty is healthier than carrying secrets. When children see parents acknowledge failures, take responsibility, and pursue healing, they gain a front-row seat to God's redemption at work.
In this episode, we talk about age-appropriate conversations, protecting children from adult burdens, and how sharing your story can create a culture of honesty that impacts your family for generations.
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This week, we tackle a listener question that sparked a really honest conversation in our own marriage: How do you pursue your spouse without making them feel like your pursuit is only about sex?
We share openly about the different ways we experience pursuit, the challenges that can come with mismatched desires, and how easy it is to misread each other's intentions. What one spouse sees as connection, the other may experience as pressure. What feels loving to one person may not feel loving at all to the other.
In this episode, we talk about the importance of understanding how your spouse defines pursuit, communicating expectations clearly, and learning to love your spouse in ways that make them feel seen, valued, and desired. We also discuss the role of flirting, friendship, emotional connection, and physical intimacy in building a healthy marriage.
If you've ever thought, "I don't feel pursued," or wondered why your efforts don't seem to connect with your spouse, this conversation will give you practical insights and encourage you to have an important conversation together.
Because the goal isn't simply to pursue your spouse the way you want to be pursued. The goal is to learn how to pursue them the way they need to be loved.
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