The Redeemed Marriage Podcast

The Redbirds in Our Winter

This week in our Summer Shorts series, we're answering a listener question that took us back to one of the hardest seasons of our lives: What were some of the small things people did that made the biggest difference while we were walking through our marriage crisis?
When everything around us felt cold and uncertain, God placed "redbirds" in our path—people who simply showed up. They didn't always have the perfect words. They didn't try to fix us. They listened, encouraged us, invited us to dinner, sat with us in church, and reminded us that we weren't alone.
Looking back, those simple acts of kindness became some of the greatest gifts God used in our healing. In this episode, we share several of those stories and talk about why you don't have to have all the answers to make a lasting impact in someone's life. Sometimes the greatest ministry is simply being present.
If you know someone walking through a difficult season, we hope this episode reminds you that a small act of love can become something they'll never forget.
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Can Triggers Become Triumphs After Betrayal?

In this week’s Summer Short, we tackle a question that comes up more often than people realize after infidelity: What do we do with the things that now carry painful memories? Wedding rings, anniversaries, favorite restaurants, vacation spots, and even everyday places can suddenly feel connected to some of the hardest moments in a marriage.
We share our thoughts on whether couples should keep their original wedding rings as a symbol of a covenant that was broken and restored, or whether there are times when a new ring can represent a fresh chapter in the story. We also talk about anniversaries and how those dates can move from reminders of pain to reminders of God’s faithfulness and redemption.
Along the way, we discuss the idea of replacing painful memories with new ones and the importance of communicating openly about triggers, expectations, and what each spouse needs during the healing process. If you’ve ever wondered how to reclaim the places, traditions, and symbols that seem to have been stolen by betrayal, we hope this conversation will encourage you. Our belief is simple: the affair doesn’t get the final word. Through God’s grace, even the things that feel tainted today can become reminders of redemption tomorrow.
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Should We Tell the Kids?

This week, we're continuing our Summer Shorts series by answering one of the questions we hear most often: Should we tell our children about marital struggles, broken trust, or even infidelity?
We share our own experience of walking through those conversations with our boys after Heather's affair and how those discussions changed as they grew older. When they were young, we focused on what they needed to know. As they matured, we were able to share more of our story and help them understand not only what happened, but what God had done in the years that followed.
Every family is different, and there is no one-size-fits-all answer. But we've generally found that leaning toward honesty is healthier than carrying secrets. When children see parents acknowledge failures, take responsibility, and pursue healing, they gain a front-row seat to God's redemption at work.
In this episode, we talk about age-appropriate conversations, protecting children from adult burdens, and how sharing your story can create a culture of honesty that impacts your family for generations.
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What Does Pursuit Look Like to Your Spouse?

This week, we tackle a listener question that sparked a really honest conversation in our own marriage: How do you pursue your spouse without making them feel like your pursuit is only about sex?
We share openly about the different ways we experience pursuit, the challenges that can come with mismatched desires, and how easy it is to misread each other's intentions. What one spouse sees as connection, the other may experience as pressure. What feels loving to one person may not feel loving at all to the other.
In this episode, we talk about the importance of understanding how your spouse defines pursuit, communicating expectations clearly, and learning to love your spouse in ways that make them feel seen, valued, and desired. We also discuss the role of flirting, friendship, emotional connection, and physical intimacy in building a healthy marriage.
If you've ever thought, "I don't feel pursued," or wondered why your efforts don't seem to connect with your spouse, this conversation will give you practical insights and encourage you to have an important conversation together.
Because the goal isn't simply to pursue your spouse the way you want to be pursued. The goal is to learn how to pursue them the way they need to be loved.
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Summer Shorts: You Hear Me, But You Don't Hear Me

This week we're celebrating a huge milestone—250 episodes of The Redeemed Marriage Podcast!
To mark the occasion, we're answering a question about one of the most practical tools we've ever shared: the Heart Talk. What do you do when you're trying to open up, but your spouse gets defensive, starts explaining themselves, or turns the conversation back to their own feelings?
In this episode, we talk about why the Heart Talk works only when both spouses honor the process. We share three big mistakes we've seen derail communication—defensiveness, fixing, and giving a quick apology just to end the conversation—and why those responses often leave your spouse feeling unseen and unheard.
We also discuss the difference between listening to understand and listening to respond. One of the most important lessons we've learned is that you don't have to agree with your spouse's feelings to acknowledge that those feelings are real.
After nearly 15 years of rebuilding and growing together, this simple tool is still one of the most valuable ways we connect. If your conversations keep going in circles or you feel like communication has stalled, this episode will encourage you to slow down, go back to the basics, and keep practicing the habits that create emotional intimacy.
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Summer Shorts: Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater?

This week in our Summer Shorts series, we’re answering a hard but honest question that so many couples wrestle with after betrayal: “Once a cheater, always a cheater?”
We talk openly about the labels people place on you after failure and how easy it is to believe your worst moment will define the rest of your life. For us, this conversation isn’t just theoretical. We’ve lived through the judgment, the lost friendships, the whispers, the social media comments, and the long process of rebuilding trust one step at a time.
In this episode, we share why trust and redemption are not the same thing, how trust is rebuilt slowly through consistency and honesty, and why real change is actually possible through Christ. We also talk about the importance of surrounding yourself with people who believe in restoration instead of permanently defining people by their past.
If you’ve ever felt trapped by shame, afraid of what people think about your story, or wondered if healing is truly possible after betrayal, we hope this conversation reminds you that your sin is not your identity and your worst failure does not get the final word.
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Summer Shorts: The “Even If” Kind of Love

This week’s episode is a special one for us. We just walked through one of the most meaningful weeks of our lives as we celebrated our son Luke’s wedding, and we are incredibly grateful for all of the prayers, encouragement, and kind messages so many of you have sent our family.
During the wedding weekend, someone asked us about a part of the ceremony where Rusty talked about the difference between a contract and a covenant in marriage. A contract says, “if then…” while a covenant says, “even if.” That simple distinction led to a much deeper conversation about commitment, restoration, and the generational impact of fighting for your marriage.
In this Summer Shorts episode, we reflect on some of the emotions we experienced during the wedding ceremony, remembering where our marriage once was and realizing how different our family story could have been if we had walked away years ago. We also share about the letters Luke and Kamryn gave us before the wedding and why those moments reminded us that healing in marriage doesn’t just affect two people. It impacts generations.
If your marriage feels difficult right now, we hope this episode reminds you that staying faithful to your covenant can create a legacy you may not even be able to see yet.
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Summer Shorts: What If the Roles Were Reversed?

In this week’s Summer Shorts episode, we answer a powerful question from one of our listeners: what would Heather have done if the roles had been reversed and Rusty had been the one who was unfaithful?
It leads to a really honest conversation about who Heather was spiritually fifteen years ago compared to who she is today, and the difference between simply knowing about God and truly depending on Him. Heather shares openly that years ago, her response likely would have been driven by bitterness, pride, and selfishness, while today she sees how God’s grace has transformed the way she views pain, forgiveness, and healing.
We also talk about the danger of believing “that could never happen to us,” why every marriage needs healthy boundaries and transparency, and how quickly isolation and pride can lead us into vulnerable places.
Whether your marriage is in a season of healing, growth, or simply needing stronger connection, we hope this conversation reminds you that none of us are above struggle, God’s grace is still enough, and redemption is always possible.
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Dating Then vs Now: When Love Took Effort

In this episode of The Redeemed Marriage Podcast, we found ourselves feeling a little nostalgic. With our oldest son’s wedding just days away and a Chicago concert on the calendar, it got us thinking back to when we first started dating and how much things have changed since the 80s and 90s.
We started remembering what dating used to look like—waiting by the phone for a call, long conversations on a corded line, making mixtapes from the radio, writing notes, and actually planning out time together. Back then, intentionality wasn’t something you had to think about…it was just part of the process. Everything took a little more effort, a little more patience, and honestly, a little more heart.
In this conversation, we talk through some of the biggest differences between dating then and now, and how the convenience we have today can sometimes crowd out the kind of pursuit that keeps a relationship strong. We laugh about some of those old memories—printed photos, handwritten notes, uninterrupted time together—but we also get honest about how easy it is now to settle for shallow connection, even though we’re more “connected” than ever.
The big takeaway for us is this: relationships haven’t changed as much as the level of intentionality has. What used to be built in, we now have to choose. And if we’re not careful, we can drift into comfort without continuing to pursue one another.
Our hope with this episode is to encourage you to bring some of that effort back into your marriage. Not in a forced or complicated way, but in simple, meaningful ways—planning time together, being fully present, and choosing connection over convenience. Because one of the greatest gifts in marriage is comfort, but the pursuit should never stop.
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When Life Gets Chaotic, Stay Connected

We are in one of those seasons where life feels full in every possible way. From weddings and college transitions to demanding work schedules and hosting a team full of athletes for the summer, it is a lot. And if we are honest, it can feel overwhelming at times.
In this episode, we are pulling back the curtain and inviting you into the real life messiness of what we are navigating right now. Not from a place of having it all figured out, but from a place of being intentional in the middle of it.
We share what it looks like for us to fight for connection when everything around us is pulling for our attention. We talk about the importance of choosing to live unselfishly, even when we feel stretched thin, and how shifting our focus from our own frustrations to serving our spouse can change the entire tone of a season.
We also walk through what it means to truly operate as a team, especially when life feels chaotic, and why clearly communicating expectations is so much more effective than hoping our spouse just gets it.
Our hope is that this conversation helps you stop wishing away the busy seasons and instead learn how to navigate them with gratitude, intentionality, and a deeper reliance on God’s faithfulness so you can actually enjoy the journey together.
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